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Never Ask a Woman If She’s Pregnant

Never Ask a Woman If She's Pregnant - AllisonRamsing.com - PinkBlush Floral Maxi Dress

Outfit Details: Floral Maxi Dress c/o PinkBlush | Earrings | Shoes
(Note: PinkBlush sells Women’s Dresses and Maternity Dresses – I received this c/o PinkBlush out of the women’s section and for the record, I’m not pregnant).

Never Ask a Woman If She’s Pregnant

Today let’s jump on the “deep” train. I’m going to keep sharing parts of my story, even the hard ones.

Peter and I are a really great couple. Great enough that many people think that we should have kids by now. People ask me pretty regularly if I’m pregnant, why I haven’t had kids yet, and even as far as to condone me as selfish for not having a baby yet. I’m not alone either as my husband, Peter has been taken aside by people and been told how selfish we are for our lack of family; my lack of bringing life into the world.

I never wanted to have children. Then, I met Peter. God began to melt my heart towards the possibility of one-day being a mother (especially after hanging out with my niece on our most recent trip to Colorado).

For years I’ve had debilitatingly painful periods. In fact, while in high school they would be so bad I’d pass out from the pain. I’ve passed out in some pretty awkward places… while I was a checker at the grocery store, at choir camp, in front of a basketball arena before we were supposed to go watch NCAA tournament games, and the list goes on. While the doctors have tried many things over the years, nothing has helped ease the pain. Surgery was the next option to try and get relief.

In November of 2016, I had laparoscopic surgery to remove ovarian cysts and other tissue. As a result of that surgery, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. It’s a surgery I’ll likely have to do again, possibly many times in life as the cysts will continue to grow and ravage my ability to have a baby. These days I’m on medicine that hopefully will keep the cysts a bit at bay, but we’ll see, I’m only on month one of trying this new medicine.

What endometriosis has not done is take away my ability to bring life into this earth. The chance of me being able to get pregnant might be slim, but my ability to mother is not gone. I have a family. A big family. I bring life into this earth through my actions, my heart, my service, not just my offspring. I am no less a mother because I am not able to have kids.

Your excitement about whether or not someone might be pregnant is beautiful but before asking “are you pregnant” pause and wonder if you know the whole story. And if you are one of those who looks down on women without a “baby on board” sticker on their minivan think twice about that critique because I’m sure you too have had more people you could call “mother” than just the one who brought you home from the hospital.

Bring life to this earth every day with everyone you interact with. Love everyone deeply and lean into the family who you love and loves you back even if they don’t share your DNA…they share a bit of your soul.

Never Ask a Woman If She's Pregnant - AllisonRamsing.com - PinkBlush Floral Maxi Dress

Never Ask a Woman If She's Pregnant - AllisonRamsing.com - PinkBlush Floral Maxi Dress

Never Ask a Woman If She's Pregnant - AllisonRamsing.com - PinkBlush Floral Maxi Dress

Never Ask a Woman If She's Pregnant - AllisonRamsing.com - PinkBlush Floral Maxi Dress

Never Ask a Woman If She's Pregnant - AllisonRamsing.com - PinkBlush Floral Maxi Dress

Never Ask a Woman If She's Pregnant - AllisonRamsing.com - PinkBlush Floral Maxi Dress

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4 Comments

  • Reply
    Michelle Tarter
    October 2, 2017 at 8:13 am

    I’ve always wanted to be a mother and Jared and I had Wyatt right away. Our plan was to have another child rather close to Wyatt. Well, life doesn’t always go according to plans. In the course of trying we discovered I had PCOS which affected my ability to conceive. On the 3-1/2 year journey to get pregnant we fielded many “are you pregnant?”, “when are you going to have another”, “the clock is ticking” comments. It was painful. I didn’t explain the heartbreak we were experiencing. The hope and feeling of loss we felt every month. The 3 miscarriages we had. People don’t know. I used to ask the same questions, my experience was very eye opening. I’m much more cautious with my questions now, in how I word them, if I even ask at all. Thank you for being transparent. Sharing your story helps others. Your story is beautiful and you’re right, you are a mother. Love you!

  • Reply
    Amy
    October 3, 2017 at 7:42 am

    Girl, YES!
    I literally LOATH people who say “you’re selfish” if you choose not to have children.
    The truth is, not everyone should have or WANTS children. I was like you; I never really wanted to have children – now that Eddie and I are married my heart has slowly begun to melt but it’s not something that is 100% for me, and for that reason right now we won’t be having children any time soon. We’ve also always said that we want to foster children because there are tons of kids who need to know they are loved and important and valued.
    Ugh, I could literally go on FOREVER about this!

  • Reply
    Elizabeth
    October 3, 2017 at 10:35 am

    I also can agree with you. All of this has been said to me after five years of marriage and no little ones – and not from friends & family but from strangers and acquaintances. It is always shocking to me that people think something like this is a good conversation starter – especially in this day and age when women are more open about miscarriages and infertility. I just assume that people have a reason for not having kids – whether by personal choice or uncontrollable situations. People will tell you if they are pregnant so you don’t need you ask (like duh.)

  • Reply
    Julie Hood
    October 5, 2017 at 1:38 am

    I’m with you that people need to keep their “you should start a family!” opinions to themselves!! I’ve seen some beautiful adoption stories and it’s proof that it’s not all about who gave you DNA or brought you home from the hospital! And like you said, we can bring life to situations and relationships in how we act. Well said 👏🏼

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