I drove and drove, not knowing where I was going, feeling numb. The day before, I was fine, happy even.
The day after that, though? I wasn’t fine. I wasn’t happy even. I was devastated.
No, I hadn’t gone through a break-up. Yes, he hadn’t chosen me.
And when you’re not chosen, the questions flood in.
In my questions, I became so sure I wasn’t pretty enough. I convinced myself I wasn’t pretty enough.
I could see the way his eyes followed other girls, on the same afternoons I was sitting right beside him.
A few days passed, and I was okay. Only okay. And on an okay afternoon, I found myself lying on the bathroom floor. A pillow under my chin, I studied the linoleum, fake wooden strips, thinking things though and the questions were not leaving. I replayed his actions towards me that seemed so much like actions of affection or admiration. And then, it came, so clear, like the clearest of radio stations. No static.
“You are beautiful.”
Every word pronounced clearly and spoke loudly.
And in that moment, for the first time, I believed I was beautiful.
Because you can be told over and over again, that you’re beautiful, but you might not believe. I truly believe we need Him to breathe His truths right over our heart. People’s words have little power compared to His loud whispers. And that moment, where I heard those three words and I finally believed, that was a loud whisper from the Lord. No doubt about it.
So, this is Jennie and she is beautiful.